Funny but Probably Not Fine

It's funny how I'm not supposed to get back for every little thing, but that's what you spend your time doing to me, like that does anything nor matters.

The Tingly Feeling From My Dad

I'm worried it won't stop soon.  It's an insulting feeling that just keeps coming.  I think it's what's making me seem schizophrenic.  I can't even ask or find out what it is and why.  I get feelings from people I see outside, but they seem to go away more easily.  I'm not really in my parents's custody.  I was just kicked out of my college major and could not succeed in the other classes.  It was a nicer experience living on campus.  Everyone wanted to get away from their parents, and it was a big deal, even tho we were at school all day long etc.  It was just more efficient and I was still grouped with people my age.  Now, I'm too old.  It's actually very depressing.

The Medicine

I am taking psychiatric medicine, and it's making me tired and dysfunctional.  My psychiatrist admitted it does make you "feel less" but that he doesn't want me to feel much right now.  That's not up for him to want.  He can't just pretend I'm crazy cuz I threw some things when I was mad.  It wasn't big things nor big things that broke,.  Sometimes, I hit my sofa.  Not lately, tho.

Disturbed & Irritated

I feel bothered by the people watching me in my room and by my dad and in other ways my mom  that I would have a hard time keeping up a normal schedule now, like for school or if I had to get a job or had a career of some sort.

Not Having a Life

What can I do?  I can't go to college this summer, I think.  If I go, it should be next spring, tho, unless I got accepted at a high ranked university, possibly then fall 2016.

I was kicked out of my major of choice at the college I took the scholarship from just for being shy supposedly in 2005.  I've been  hanging around since, going to college again, posting online hiding away from my family, in bed on drugs (psych meds,) etc.  I'm already going to be 29 next month.  I laid off Ellen DeGeneres.  You know, my head started to look like hers and your head develops until you're about 30 or in your late 20's I think.  I guess she has a "choice" audience.

Believe

..I tried to make myself believe the tingly feeling was not from my dad, but it seems to happen even when I'm alone a lot.  I know he's secretly onto me.  It's a trashy relationship.  Thanks a lot, Orlando.

If you are so adamant about my dad and the tingly feeling, I'd like to know because I'm not.  I don't need his love as a tree house while I wish I wasn't Rip Van Winkle.

I said I cared about the quality of his relationship with me, but what this is is definitely someone making a mistake.

Made Fun Of

I feel made fun of.  I don't need anyone to tell me to fix my life for me.

Suggestive

The people experimenting on me are dishing out suggestive things, as well, which gave me an uncomfortable feeling that didn't go away.

Feeling Threatened

I feel my dad is being extra nice to his oldest younger sister and his mom just because he's afraid, like of my little brother, that they will be mean to me if "things aren't right," tho they forget that I am not a problem in every way if at all in any serious way.  He is even being sacrificial socially.

Feeling Touched Inappropriately

I generally am sensitive around my dad but not all strangers in the same way of him getting too close or being suggestive around me.  What is up with that tingly feeling I seem to be keep getting refilled probably by my dad??

I know Ellen DeGeneres is --- and believes there is no such thing as m----ing.  That's probably because she's weird as a --- and is judgmental of others.  People would argue because of this that it should be that way for everyone, okay to feel touched too much in a way you don't like by someone.  I don't think kids have to deal with that, neither, but some of them don't care.

And in case you wanted to know more drama, when I did hug him awhile, he just made me feel stupid, even though I am not really as fat-looking.